I really don’t know what I’m doing here. And I don’t know what I’m talking “aboot”. Excuse me, I’ve been in Canada. Opening for Miles Davis… Kilometres Davis.
I like dark comedies. That’s why I like the Wayans Brothers.
My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron. And a lot like Dog the Bounty Hunter.
She’s writing a book on contemporary feminist theory and she let me read the manuscripts. I’ve got to tell you - it’s pretty good for a girl.
I went to my high school reunion not too long ago and it was very weird, because I was home schooled. Just me there by a bowl of punch. Listening to Kool and the Gang. Why I rented that limousine, I have no idea.
This woman said to me the other day, “Zack, I like your beard” and I said “Look, I’m Greek, this isn’t a beard. This is part of my eyebrow”.
Sometimes I’ll do something and I’ll think to myself “That Is So Raven”. And then in other times I’ll do something and be like “That Was Not Very Raven”.
If you read my blog, you know I’m a pilates freak. And by pilates I mean waffles.
I’ve been trying to quit drinking and the other day I drank a twelve-pack of O’Doul’s. I went riding around in my car and I got pulled over by a cop. He’s like “Son, have you been drinking?” and I’m like “Uh, sort of”. He said “What have you been drinking?” and I said “O’Doul’s… non-alcoholic beer” and he wrote me a ticket for being a gaylord.
I was reading on cnn.com today before the show - you know that kid that had sex with his high-school teacher, about a year ago? I read online today that that kid died, today. He died of high-fiving. He was in a high-fiving accident.
Zach Galifianakis, during his opening monologue on Satuday Night Live (March 6, 2010).